Is it Wrong for Christian Man Lust After His Wife?
Christian Man Lust after his Wife? Christian couples are looking to spice up their sex life and want to know if it is okay to lust after their spouses. Some justify that because two people are married, they can lust after each other, but is this okay?
Is Lusting after your Spouse a Sin?
Lust has a negative connotation in the Bible, and never refers to anything good. It refers to having a strong sexual desire for someone. God has called couples to love each other, not lust after each other. This means that it is not okay for a Christian man to lust after his wife.
What does the Bible say about Lust? (Sexual Desire)
Colossians 3:5 says that we should put to death whatever belongs to our earthly nature, and lust is listed as one of those things. The verse concludes by saying that lust is idolatry. If there is anything we know about idolatry from the Bible is that we should flee from it.
Colossians 3:5ff, 5 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
Lust appeals to our flesh and is only physical; it drives us to satisfy our sexual urges without necessarily loving the other person. When a husband lusts after his wife, he is only focusing on her body and satisfying himself physically.
Lust does not care about the other person’s desires or feelings, only temporary pleasure,sexual pleasure . By lusting after his wife, a Christian man will be falling into a trap of only focusing on physical pleasure and not meeting his wife’s emotional needs.
According to 1 John 2:16, lust does not come from God.
“For everything in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”
When a Christian man is lusting after his wife, his urge is not godly and does not bring glory to the Father.
God expects the husband to love his wife and their sexual life will flow from their mutual love for each other.
If lust were godly, then God would approve of it, but as it stands, He doesn’t. A Christian man should not engage in what God is against because it only opens the door to the enemy to come and attack his marriage. Lust leaves everyone heartbroken and can destroy a marriage. (is it bad to lust after your wife )
A Christian man is to love his wife
A husband is charged with loving his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). God expects a husband to love his wife with a pure love that is godly, and which is bound to make his wife feel cherished and valued.
Jesus gave His life for the church because He wanted to see her remain pure, and a husband should steer his wife toward purity, and not the impurity of lust. Love is selfless but lust is selfish. By opening the door of lust, a Christian husband will be setting himself up to look out for his sexual satisfaction and not that of his wife.
Ephesians 5:25 ff, 25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.
31“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
A Christian husband is to be considerate with his wife and treat her with respect so that nothing will hinder his prayers (1 Peter 3:7). By lusting after his wife, a Christian man will not be showing her the respect she deserves because his mind will be focused on how he can satisfy his sexual urges, whether she enjoys the sex or not. By doing this, he will be hindering his prayers because he will not be acting in line with God’s Word.
I Peter 3: 77 ff, 7 “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Lust encourages a Christian man to lack self-control in the area of sex, and this is a dangerous state to be in. If he finds that he lacks sexual satisfaction from his wife, he will fall for the temptation to seek it from outside his marriage. Lust can open the door to having an affair, and this can lead to the marriage coming to an end on grounds of infidelity.
If a Christian husband loves his wife, he will not have any need to lust after her. His feelings will be in the right place, and he will enjoy having pure sexual relations with his wife. Where he is struggling with any sexual issue, he can always pray about it and God will intervene in his marriage. By loving his wife and taking his marital issues to God in prayer, he does not have to go the lust way.
1 Corinthians 7:3 says that a husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and she should do the same. This Scripture is saying that he should focus on meeting his wife’s needs, including the sexual ones. That is different from lusting after her because lust focuses on taking and not giving.
I Corinthians 7:3 ff, 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
What if a Christian man is struggling with lust?
If a Christian man finds that he is struggling with lust, the first thing he can do is repent and ask God for forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
It is only God who can restore him to a place of purity where his focus is loving his wife and not lusting after her. God will heal any emotional wounds he may have that can be the cause of his feelings of lust.
Is Fantasizing about your Spouse a Sin?
It is not a sin to fantasize about your spouse. However, it could be if this type of thinking leads you away from God or takes priority over spending time with Him in prayer and bible study. The bible says lustful thoughts are sinful because they lead us astray into breaking the law (James), but being in love with your spouse and thinking about them romantically is not a sin. It’s actually something God encourages! He wants you to enjoy the intimacy of your relationship with a spouse and in order for that to happen, it is natural to think about them.
Is it Wrong for Christian Woman Lust After Her Husband?
As we have discussed above Lust is not coming from God but has negative connotations
- Impulsive desires
- Selfish / One-sided Implications
- Point to sexual satisfaction on a surface level
- Hints at lack of self-control
Verses on Lust / 6 +
- Proverbs 6:25, “Do not Lust in your heart…
- Ezekiel 20: 30, ” and Lust after Vile Images ( probably include Porn)
- Colossians 3:5, ” Sexual Immorality, impurity, lust….
- I Thessalonians 4:5, ” not in passionate lust like the heathen…
- I Peter 4: 3, in debauchery,lust,drunkenness…
- I John 2: 16, “the lust of his eyes and the boasting…
Verses on Love / 5,135+
Checking References on Love I found 5,135+ references in my Chronological Bible NIV Concordance in the back.
- When Adam saw Eve – he said WOOOW
- Jacob was in love with Rachael
- Unfailing Love
- Covenant of love
- love those who are aliens
- Oath of love
- Love endures for ever
- Abounding in love
- Proclaim your Love
Please glance through the amount of instruction on teaching us How to, Who to When to Love
This Passage has always been powerful to me and I spoke this on any couple that I Married in their wedding ceremony
I Corinthians 13, 1 “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but does not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
Differences in Men and Women
- Men are very Visual
- Woman are very Tender
- Women wired to Nest
- men are wired to be aggressive – providers
- Men and women are wired differently – This is from God
- Husband needs to learn to see through his wife’s eyes
- The wife needs to see through her husband’s eyes
- Husband and Wife leave Father and Mother become One Flesh
- Each should learn to put the other first
- The husband should have Eyes for his wife
- The wife should have eyes for her husband
- Helping each other on their path to heaven
A Christian man should love his wife, not lust after her. No woman wants to feel like she is a sexual object, to be used only for sexual satisfaction. This is what happens when a Christian man lusts after his wife, and this will weaken the marital bond he has with his wife.
His focus should be on pleasing his wife and loving her like God’s Word says. When his sexual desires come from a pure place in his heart, he will care about the feelings of his wife, and they both will enjoy their bedroom moments.
A Christian man or a Christian Woman will love not only on the Physical Level, but on an Emotional Level, and also a Spiritual Level. A Love like that will have both the husband and wife meeting each other needs, on a Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Level
This verse is golden. “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. “