Biblical Tips for Dating and Relationships / Christian Advice on Dating and Relationships
Probably not many things are more important than the decisions Christians make in who they are going to join ( Yoked With) in their mates and close friendships. The Scriptures say that Bad Company Corrupts good morals. If You are a Man and the group that you are spending a large amount of your time with a fellow group of men that spend it drinking and in infidelity. Things will begin to rub off. Your Higher morals will erode, suddenly sin will not look so bad.
If you are a married woman and the other ladies that you spend a lot of time with other wives that spend a lot of time trashing and complaining about how bad their husbands are. Just by your association, you could find yourself, becoming less loving, less patient, less content.
God from the beginning has created man to be a social being. The man was created to relate with each other in a mutual way. It is never the intention of God that man should take advantage of each other in relationships, but they should all benefit each other in whatever they do. This is what we call having a healthy relationship.
Good and healthy relationships in Families and Couples, bring joy and satisfaction. It is also easier for them to fulfill God’s intended purpose if they are in existing in Strong and healthy relationships.
When you are in a good relationship it brings health, strength, security each of you is continuing to grow and develop, becoming more and more like God.
When God had finished creating the universe and everything in it including the living and nonliving creation, He decided to create Adam. Adam existed alone, among the animals of the beast. But still, there was a void in Adams’s life, he was lonely and in need of a suitable companion. It seems that maybe that God did this so that Adam would realize his need for a companion.
Adam Searching For a Companion
So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper comparable to him. ( Genesis 2:20)
Even though Adam had the companionship of every beast of the field, funny enough there was still no helper comparable to him. This teaches us that man maybe God’s Highest Creation, amongst animals or pets, but in all that creation there was not a helper designed for him by God.
The reason why God gave Adam the mandate to name all every beast of the field, was for him to find out if Adam during the process of naming the beast, would find an animal that would be a helper and compatible. But unfortunately, there was none.
This encouraged God to intervene in His creation. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said:
“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” ( Genesis 2:21-23).
Consult God in Prayer
I believe God hasn’t changed this original plan even in establishing current relationships. So everyone should desire to fall into the plan of God concerning relationships. God should be consulted in prayer before we enter into any form of relationship.
When Jesus Christ was about to start His earthly ministry, He had to pray to God before choosing His disciples because He knew that they will play a big role in His earthly ministry. They were also to continue with His mission after His death. This means good relationships cannot be limited by death; but continue on in time, even further than when the relationships are separated by location.
If relationships are built from human wisdom and not by prayer, they can never last. This is because human wisdom is always deceptive because it is only based on physical appearance. There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. ( Proverbs 14:12)
Now it came to pass in those days that He went out to the mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God. And when it was day, He called His disciples to Himself; and from them, He chose twelve whom He also named apostles: ( Luke 6:12).
Consulting with God is always Wise. God knows our hearts, he can see clearly our motivations, He can see the hearts of our friends and companions.
This is not a completely firm Truth
It is wise to surround yourself with friends and companions that have qualities that you look up to.
- Wiser than You Are
- More Patient Than You are
- More Content than you are
- More Forgiving than you are
- Holier than you are
- More Truthful than you are
- More Faithful Than you are
- More charitable than you are
- More Hospital than you are
- So On
The reason we say this is that these are the things you want to rub off on you. Things you can aspire to. The reason I say this is not completely firm, because to let your light shine, it needs to give light and direction to the lost, to the unholy. Sheep among Wolves.
But it is wise for sheep to find their home and family with other sheep.
After you have committed yourself to God in prayer God gives you the wisdom to wisely choose who to relate to.
We are going to look at some of the tips that will help individuals when they are choosing partners during courting, dating, or finding a Christian mate.
Qualities to Consider in Your Partner in Choosing Relationships
Hard Worker vs Lazy
No one would love to be in a relationship with a lazy person. In most cases, the first question that is asked during courting or dating is what do you do for a living? This question is not so much to get the financial position of an individual but to find out if they are engaged in some productive activity.
Most of the disciples Jesus Christ chose were found doing something, Jesus Christ did not pick disciples who were idle and doing nothing.
Jesus Christ sourced hardworking men. Some were working as fishermen like Peter, James, Andrew, and John. Some were tax collectors like Mathew and Luke.
When Apostle Paul was writing to the church in Thessalonica, he commanded them like this; For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread. ( 2 Thessalonians 3:11-12).
Jesus was trained by his father as a Carpenter / or Mason depending on the translation of the word.
Believers should not lead a lazy life in the name of trusting God for financial breakthrough or waiting upon the Lord. Neither should they chose which work to do as long as the work they are doing is not evil or illegal.
Apostle Paul could boldly write to the Thessalonians to work with their hands because he also served as an example by being a tent maker despite being an Apostle. And we labor, working with our own hands. Being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we endure; ( 1 Corinthians 4:12)
Before Eve was created, she found Adam working on the land as commanded by God. Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. ( Genesis 2:15). Eve is created and finds Adam already working and that is to why Eve becomes a helper to the work that Adam is doing.
The ants are considered as one of the wise animals because of being hardworking. The ants are a people not strong, Yet they prepare their food in the summer; ( Proverbs 30:25).
Therefore hardworking is not about strength but wisdom and for anyone to be accepted in a relationship they must be hard workers
Wisdom vs Foolish
How does it feel being in a relationship with a wise person? There is a sense of security. This means that there will be minimal room for error. During courtship and dating, one should look at how their partners are making decisions. As good decisions are a result of wisdom and not emotions.
When God had called Solomon and wanted to set him as the King of Israel, He asked him what he wanted. Solomon knew very well that he is going to relate with his subjects so the most important thing he needed at hand was not riches but for wisdom. ( 1 Kings 3:5-13). And from the story, we see the benefits of the wisdom that he asked for being displayed in his wise decisions.
In the book of 1st Samuel Chapter 25, Abigail exposes the greatest wisdom from a woman when she saves her husband Nabal and her community from being killed by King David’s revenge attack.
Look at the way she pleads for forgiveness even though she was not the one who did the mistake. Now when Abigail saw David, she dismounted quickly from the donkey, fell on her face before David, and bowed down to the ground. So she fell at his feet and said: “On me, my lord, on me let this iniquity be! And please let your maidservant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your maidservant.
Please, let not my lord regard this scoundrel Nabal. For as his name is, so is he: Nabal is his name, and folly is with him! But I, your maidservant, did not see the young men of my lord whom you sent. ( 1 Samuel 25: 23-25)
From this act of wisdom, King David decides to marry Abigail when Nabal finally dies. Someone may be asking how can one know that the person they are entering into a relationship with is wise?
The Bible explains this clearly that; The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding has all those who do His commandments. His praise endures forever. ( Psalms 111:10 )
The beginning of wisdom comes from the fear of God
God Fearing vs Godless
Going to church and attending church functions doesn’t qualify someone to be God-fearing. Christianity is a personal relationship with an individual with God. It is should never be equated with regular attending to church services or performing church activities. As not all those people who are attending any church service are God-fearing. Some are pretenders and wolves in sheepskin.
The period of courtship and dating is very important as it enables one to identify if their partners are God-fearing.
Positive Influence vs Bad Influence
The story of Ananias and Sapphira in the book of Acts chapter 5 shows clearly how couples can influence one another in a negative way if there is no one who is God-fearing to direct the other. The fear of God could have made this couple lie to the Apostles and to the Lord.
Any God-fearing individual is identified by their fruits. Jesus Christ told His disciples that they shall identify true from false prophets by their fruits. You Will Know Them by Their Fruits“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.( Mathew 7:15).
Any fruit that comes from your partner that has no fear of God should be an indicator of the partner not being God-fearing.
Therefore it is very important for Christians who are courting or dating to consider God-fearing as an essential characteristic when choosing a partner for relationship
Similar Interests vs Nothing in Common
Most courtships are destined to lead to serious relationships and eventually result in marriage. No one loves to be led on, with by their partner, and then dumped after some amount of time. This is a waste of time and resources.
Therefore there must be similar interests between the people courting that makes them come together and decide to start a relationship.
And this is why God speaks through prophet Amos to the nation of Israel by telling them that; Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?(Amos 3:3).
It is just like the saying, that says that birds of a feather flock together. Which is true. Can you imagine an eagle being in a flock with ducks? Of course, they have different diets and areas of operation. The Ducks will become Dinner.
So when one is looking for a person to date, they must first identify their areas of interest and preferences. This doesn’t mean that one will find a perfect match, but if you have more similar areas of interest, it is good to go but also put into consideration the other factors that have been discussed here.
Recently a very renowned gospel artist in East Africa shocked many people when she separated with her husband after staying in a marriage for more than a decade. When asked the reason for the separation she stated that she was revealed by God that she is not compatible and the two share no similar vision of their ministry. ( The husband is a preacher).
Should this have taken that long? We know God hates divorce and only allowed in case of unfaithfulness. They say it is better a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
Therefore before marrying your partner you should identify if you have the same interests and share the same vision. Better Earlier than Ignoring it and hoping you can change their behaviors
Visionary vs Lost / No Direction
God speaks to Habakkuk and instructs him to write down his vision.
Then the Lord answered me and said: “Write the vision make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. ( Habakkuk 2:2).
God works with people that have visions in their lives. A visionary person even though they might not be currently possessing what they need but they have high chances of achieving anything in life. This is what we call walking by faith.
When choosing someone to court or have a relationship with, it is very important if you inquire and observe their vision and direction in life. Be careful not to be deceived some people may state unrealistic visions for the sake of pleasing their partner, be also wise in this area.
A partner with a vision in life will work harder to achieve the vision in life, compared if you yoke to a visionless partner.
This is because visionary people always work hard to achieve their vision
Citizen of Heaven vs Citizen of this Earth
A worshiper is someone who is responding to the goodness or greatness of God. The perception that worship is only singing gospel songs or preaching or going to church or doing any other church activity is wrong. Although the above is part of the worship true worship goes beyond the above. Worship should never be confused with God-fearing as a God-fearing is being obedient to the laws of God.
Worship is determined by how we live, that is our lifestyle. This means that not all God-fearing people are worshipers. Worshipping is an extended action towards God that is more than just being God-fearing.
Why is the character of worship, most important to observe during courtship? To answer this question Let’s look at a certain woman in the book of Acts know as Lydia and see how the Bible describes her actions in relation to worship.
Now a certain woman named Lydia heard us. She was a seller of purple from the city of Thyatira, who worshiped God. The Lord opened her heart to heed the things spoken by Paul. And when she and her household were baptized, she begged us, saying, “If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come to my house and stay.” So she persuaded us. ( Acts 16:15).
Lydia worshiped God even before she was born again, became a Christian. It is from within her heart of worship that the Lord opened her heart to receive things spoken by Apostle Paul. This is the power of worship.
A partner who is a worshiper, will easily and naturally bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit like goodness, kindness, love, joy, and many more. This is a kind of a partner that it is wise to have
Trustworthy vs Undependable
Last but not least, the character of faithfulness towards God and each other is most important. One of the major causes of breakups/divorces in most relationships and marriages is lack of faithfulness. It really frustrating and hurts you to discover, that the person who you trust was hiding things behind your back.
Although you may have had a flourishing relationship, if you are not faithful to God, that delicate trust can dissolve.
If in the relationship between Sapphira and her husband Ananias, they had faithfulness towards God they would not have deceived the Apostles, and ultimately caused their death.
It is sometimes easy to detect unfaithfulness in a future partner when they don’t keep their promises and not sticking to what they say.
It is therefore good to look for before you move a relationship into a covenant. This is because one ingredient of a successful relationship or marriage is faithfulness.
From my discussion, you will notice that I haven’t talked about the outer appearance of a partner like beauty, handsomeness, skin color the physique, walking style, dressing code height among others.
Some of the physical appearances will fall under what I have discussed on having the same interests.
Appearance vs The Heart
When God was looking for a Leader for his people. God Looked to a Young Shepherd Boy, God was looking at David’s Heart. Not his stature or size. When we are looking to establish long term friendships, maybe the longest being Marriage. Like God, it is of the wisest to follow after the heart.
Being Unequally Yoked
2 Corinthians 6:14. The NIV translation says, Paul, Says ” Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?“
I would like to consider Paul’s Statement Here a little because it is a very strong statement, From experience, my mother was a Christian and married a Non-Christian. It in the end worked out well with her leading my father to Christ. But from experience, I know that it also can work the other way in discouraging and leading the Christian away.
I watched as a child, My Mom leading by example. Paul describes it this way 1 Peter 3: 1-2, ” Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.“
She took us to church for 18 years by herself. One Sunday morning, dad dropped mom off at Sunday morning services. He had to go to the bathroom so badly he could not make it home. So he went to the bathroom, and when he came out, one of our loving shepherds, Harry Smith talked to him and set up a bible study. Within the year my dad became a Christian.