Table of Contents
Can You Lust after Your Wife
Can You Lust after Your Wife – Christian couples are looking to spice up their sex life and want to know if it is okay to lust after their spouses. Some justify that because two people are married, they can lust after each other, but is this okay? Can You Lust after Your Wife
Can You Lust after Your Wife | Is Fanatisizing after your Spouse a Sin?
Lust has a negative connotation in the Bible, and never refers to anything good. It refers to having a strong sexual desire for someone. God has called couples to love each other, not lust after each other. This means that it is not okay for a Christian man to lust after his wife.
What does the Bible say about Lust? (Sexual Desire)
Colossians 3:5 says that we should put to death whatever belongs to our earthly nature, and lust is listed as one of those things. The verse concludes by saying that lust is idolatry. If there is anything we know about idolatry from the Bible is that we should flee from it.
Colossians 3:5ff, 5 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
Lust appeals to our flesh and is only physical; it drives us to satisfy our sexual urges without necessarily loving the other person. When a husband lusts after his wife, he is only focusing on her body and satisfying himself physically.
Lust does not care about the other person’s desires or feelings, only temporary pleasure,sexual pleasure . By lusting after his wife, a Christian man will be falling into a trap of only focusing on physical pleasure and not meeting his wife’s emotional needs.
Every wife wants a husband who will take the time to ensure that both of them are satisfied with their sexual life, both physically and emotionally.
According to 1 John 2:16, lust does not come from God.
“For everything in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”
When a Christian man is lusting after his wife, his urge is not godly and does not bring glory to the Father.
God expects the husband to love his wife and their sexual life will flow from their mutual love for each other.
If lust were godly, then God would approve of it, but as it stands, He doesn’t. A Christian man should not engage in what God is against because it only opens the door to the enemy to come and attack his marriage. Lust leaves everyone heartbroken and can destroy a marriage. (is it bad to lust after your wife )
A Christian man is to love his wife
A husband is charged with loving his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). God expects a husband to love his wife with a pure love that is godly, and which is bound to make his wife feel cherished and valued.
Jesus gave His life for the church because He wanted to see her remain pure, and a husband should steer his wife toward purity, and not the impurity of lust. Love is selfless but lust is selfish. By opening the door of lust, a Christian husband will be setting himself up to look out for his sexual satisfaction and not that of his wife.
Ephesians 5:25 ff, 25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.
31“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
A Christian husband is to be considerate with his wife and treat her with respect so that nothing will hinder his prayers (1 Peter 3:7). By lusting after his wife, a Christian man will not be showing her the respect she deserves because his mind will be focused on how he can satisfy his sexual urges, whether she enjoys the sex or not. By doing this, he will be hindering his prayers because he will not be acting in line with God’s Word.
I Peter 3: 77 ff, 7 “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Lust encourages a Christian man to lack self-control in the area of sex, and this is a dangerous state to be in. If he finds that he lacks sexual satisfaction from his wife, he will fall for the temptation to seek it from outside his marriage. Lust can open the door to having an affair, and this can lead to the marriage coming to an end on grounds of infidelity.
If a Christian husband loves his wife, he will not have any need to lust after her. His feelings will be in the right place, and he will enjoy having pure sexual relations with his wife. Where he is struggling with any sexual issue, he can always pray about it and God will intervene in his marriage. By loving his wife and taking his marital issues to God in prayer, he does not have to go the lust way.
1 Corinthians 7:3 says that a husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and she should do the same. This Scripture is saying that he should focus on meeting his wife’s needs, including the sexual ones. That is different from lusting after her because lust focuses on taking and not giving.
I Corinthians 7:3 ff, 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
What if a Christian man is struggling with lust? ( Sex – Life)
If a Christian man finds that he is struggling with lust, the first thing he can do is repent and ask God for forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
It is only God who can restore him to a place of purity where his focus is loving his wife and not lusting after her. God will heal any emotional wounds he may have that can be the cause of his feelings of lust.
Is Fantasizing about your Spouse a Sin?
It is not a sin to fantasize about your spouse. However, it could be if this type of thinking leads you away from God or takes priority over spending time with Him in prayer and bible study. The bible says lustful thoughts are sinful because they lead us astray into breaking the law (James), but being in love with your spouse and thinking about them romantically is not a sin. It’s actually something God encourages! He wants you to enjoy the intimacy of your relationship with a spouse and in order for that to happen, it is natural to think about them.
Is it Wrong for Christian Woman Lust After Her Husband?
Lust
As we have discussed above Lust is not coming from God but has negative connotations
- Impulsive desires
- Degrading
- Selfish / One-sided Implications
- Point to sexual satisfaction on a surface level
- Hints at lack of self-control
Verses on Lust / 6 +
- Proverbs 6:25, “Do not Lust in your heart…
- Ezekiel 20: 30, ” and Lust after Vile Images ( probably include Porn)
- Colossians 3:5, ” Sexual Immorality, impurity, lust….
- I Thessalonians 4:5, ” not in passionate lust like the heathen…
- I Peter 4: 3, in debauchery,lust,drunkenness…
- I John 2: 16, “the lust of his eyes and the boasting…
Verses on Love / 5,135+
Checking References on Love I found 5,135+ references in my Chronological Bible NIV Concordance in the back.
- When Adam saw Eve – he said WOOOW
- Jacob was in love with Rachael
- Unfailing Love
- Covenant of love
- love those who are aliens
- Oath of love
- Love endures for ever
- Abounding in love
- Proclaim your Love
Please glance through the amount of instruction on teaching us How to, Who to When to Love
This Passage has always been powerful to me and I spoke this on any couple that I Married in their wedding ceremony
I Corinthians 13, 1 “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but does not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Differences in Men and Women
- Men are very Visual
- Woman are very Tender
- Women wired to Nest
- men are wired to be aggressive – providers
- Men and women are wired differently – This is from God
- Husband needs to learn to see through his wife’s eyes
- The wife needs to see through her husband’s eyes
- Husband and Wife leave Father and Mother become One Flesh
- Each should learn to put the other first
- The husband should have Eyes for his wife
- The wife should have eyes for her husband
- Helping each other on their path to heaven
Other Important Tags
- marriage there isn’t a problem with lust toward our spouses
- most men do not lust after their own wife
- lust in marriage can be destructive
- absolutely it’s possible
- lust after their spouse
Is Lusting after your Spouse a Sin
| Aspect | Explanation |
|---|---|
| Definition of Lust | Lust is often defined as intense or unrestrained sexual desire. In a biblical context, it typically refers to a self-centered, objectifying desire that devalues and dishonors the other person. |
| Lust vs. Love | Lust differs significantly from love. While lust is selfish and seeks its own gratification, love is selfless, respectful, and seeks the good of the other person. In a marriage, love should be the driving force, not lust. |
| Lust in Marriage | It’s important to differentiate between sexual desire within a marriage (which is normal and healthy) and lust. If desire towards a spouse is marked by selfishness, objectification, or a disregard for the spouse’s feelings or needs, it could be categorized as lust, which is sinful. |
| Balance in Marriage | A healthy marriage involves physical attraction and sexual desire, but these should exist within a context of mutual respect, consent, understanding, and love. Objectifying one’s spouse or focusing solely on physical satisfaction is unbalanced and not reflective of a God-honoring relationship. |
| Biblical Command | In the Bible, the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 urges spouses to fulfill their marital duties to each other — this includes sexual intimacy. However, this should be done with love, respect, and consent, and not out of selfish lust. |
| Transforming Lust into Love | If lust has been an issue within a marriage, it is not impossible to change. Transformation can happen through open communication, empathy, and a commitment to love and respect each other in all aspects of the marriage. Seeking help from a pastor or a professional Christian counselor can also be beneficial. |
Is it a Sin to Lust For Your Husband
The term “lust” can often carry negative connotations due to its association with excessive or inappropriate desires. However, within the context of a marital relationship, experiencing sexual desire for your spouse is not only natural but also healthy and important for the marital bond. Here is a table to help explain this more:
| Aspect | Explanation |
|---|---|
| Definition of Lust | Lust, as traditionally defined, involves an intense or uncontrolled sexual desire, usually directed at someone outside of a committed relationship. In this context, lust is often seen as a sin because it objectifies another person and can lead to actions that harm others or violate commitments. |
| Desire Within Marriage | Within a marriage, a healthy sexual desire for your spouse is not only natural but also beneficial. It strengthens the marital bond, encourages intimacy, and is an essential part of a healthy marriage relationship. This desire is not seen as lust in the negative sense. |
| Biblical Perspective | The Bible encourages sexual intimacy within the covenant of marriage (Proverbs 5:18-19, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). In this context, desiring your spouse is not considered sinful lust. |
| Balance | As with all things, balance is key. Desire for your spouse becomes problematic if it becomes obsessive, controlling, or disrespectful, or if it interferes with other responsibilities and aspects of life. |
| Communication | Healthy desire also involves good communication. It’s important to understand and respect your spouse’s feelings and boundaries regarding intimacy. |
As always, in matters of faith and personal relationships, consulting with a trusted spiritual leader or a professional counselor can provide guidance tailored to individual situations.
Examples of Lust in Marriage
| Examples of Lust in Marriage |
|---|
| Infidelity – Engaging in extramarital affairs or sexual relationships outside the marriage, driven by selfish desires and physical attraction rather than commitment and love for one’s spouse. |
| Objectification – Reducing one’s spouse to a mere object of sexual desire, disregarding their emotional needs, feelings, and dignity, and focusing solely on gratification. |
| Pornography – Consuming explicit sexual content for personal pleasure, which can lead to unrealistic expectations, dissatisfaction with one’s spouse, and detachment from true intimacy. |
| Withholding Emotional Connection – Focusing solely on physical pleasure and neglecting emotional intimacy, leading to a shallow and unsatisfying marriage. |
| Manipulative Tactics – Using sex as a tool for control, manipulation, or punishment within the marriage, causing emotional harm and eroding trust. |
| Obsession with Physical Appearance – Placing excessive emphasis on physical attractiveness and external beauty, leading to a shallow and superficial view of the spouse. |
| Lack of Communication – Failing to communicate openly about desires, boundaries, and expectations, which can lead to misunderstandings and unmet needs in the marriage. |
| Spousal Pressure – Pressuring one’s partner into sexual activities they are uncomfortable with, disregarding their feelings and boundaries. |
| Comparisons – Constantly comparing one’s spouse to others, whether physically or sexually, creating dissatisfaction and discontent within the marriage. |
| Lack of Emotional Connection – Engaging in sexual activity without emotional connection or genuine affection for one’s spouse, leading to a lack of fulfillment and intimacy. |
Bible Verse about Lust and Marriage
Certainly! Lust can be detrimental to the sanctity of marriage, and the Bible provides guidance on how to maintain purity and honor within the marital relationship. Below is a friendly and enlightening list of Bible verses about lust and marriage, along with spiritual takeaways to apply in our lives.
1. Matthew 5:28 (NIV)
- Verse: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Guard your heart and mind from lustful thoughts. Focusing on purity and faithfulness preserves the sanctity and trust in marriage.
2. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
- Verse: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Honor the sacredness of marriage by maintaining purity and avoiding sexual immorality. This obedience to God’s design for marriage brings blessings and divine favor.
3. 1 Corinthians 7:2-3 (NIV)
- Verse: “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Fulfill marital responsibilities and love within the boundaries of marriage to avoid temptation and immorality.
4. Job 31:1 (NIV)
- Verse: “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Make conscious efforts and commitments to avoid lustful looks and thoughts. This deliberate choice fosters integrity and honor in relationships.
5. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NIV)
- Verse: “Flee from sexual immorality… You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Actively avoid situations that could lead to sexual immorality. Honoring your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit glorifies God and maintains the honor and purity of marital relations.
6. Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV)
- Verse: “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery;…those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Avoid indulging in the desires of the flesh that are contrary to God’s will. Living a life in alignment with the Spirit ensures a harmonious and holy marital relationship.
7. Proverbs 5:18-19 (NIV)
- Verse: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth… may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Find joy and satisfaction within the bounds of your marriage, celebrating and cherishing the love and intimacy that marriage provides.
8. Colossians 3:5 (NIV)
- Verse: “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry.”
- Spiritual Takeaway: Purge impurities and lustful desires from your life. Embracing holiness and purity enhances the spiritual and emotional bonds within marriage.
Incorporating these spiritual takeaways into your marital relationship will contribute to a loving, respectful, and godly union, rooted in the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Scriptures.
Lust in marriage can be detrimental to the emotional well-being of both partners and can undermine the true purpose of a committed and loving marital relationship. It can erode trust, communication, and emotional connection, hindering the growth of a healthy and fulfilling marriage. Recognizing and addressing these examples of lust is essential for fostering a strong and intimate bond between spouses based on love, respect, and mutual understanding.
Final Thoughts
A Christian man should love his wife, not lust after her. No woman wants to feel like she is a sexual object, to be used only for sexual satisfaction. This is what happens when a Christian man lusts after his wife, and this will weaken the marital bond he has with his wife.
His focus should be on pleasing his wife and loving her like God’s Word says. When his sexual desires come from a pure place in his heart, he will care about the feelings of his wife, and they both will enjoy their bedroom moments.
A Christian man or a Christian Woman will love not only on the Physical Level, but on an Emotional Level, and also a Spiritual Level. A Love like that will have both the husband and wife meeting each other needs, on a Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Level
This verse is golden. “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. “ Can You Lust after Your Wife